Milaine's Testimony about Abortion
We received this email from a woman who has recently come to the Catholic Faith. Her powerful conversion and previous experience with abortion led me to ask her if we could post it for our readers.
The bible states we need to confess our sins... Since I am going back to a Catholic faith... I will be confessing my sins with my pastor soon...but for some unknown reason... I feel like I need to share this with you now ... Listening to your album, Life is the only choice" over and over has brought up a lot of reflection and emotion from the past...
I am a pro-life supporter today...... A few years before I had my precious daughter, I had chosen to end not one pregnancy but two... (honesty hurts ...I was going to hide the 2nd one out of fear of being judged)... This dates back to my partying days... I was high daily... and drank daily...almost ruined my parents financially because of my habits. For many many years, I couldn't live with myself for having had 2 abortions... One was bad enough but 2 was hell...!!! but that's not the point of my email...
I got pregnant a 3rd time in my early 30s... and this time there was no turning back... I just knew I was keeping this child... at whatever cost...and of course, once again, I was not mom material and neither was my environment,,, Our apartment was like a pot jungle... we were simply continuing on his side of the family pot growing business... My child's father had the same problems with drugs and alcohol as I obviously did.
When I found out I was pregnant... the desire to smoke, drink and get high were lifted instantly. However, the father got physically and verbally abusive shortly after i got pregnant... so I sought counseling... all my options pointed to a woman's shelter...and I refused to go to one in the city where we lived at the time... I knew he would find me,,,, there was one room left in a shelter 2 hours out of town ... i accepted it and I packed some clothes and my computer, nothing else and left after he went off to work the next morning.
I got to the shelter... was shown to a room with a bed and dresser. I had never really prayed before in my life... I suddenly got on my knees and asked God for help... my prayer was pathetic... it went something like this..
God, I am so sorry to bother you... please find me a job that I will like going to every day...that will provide enough $$ for this child. I promise if you grant me this wish, I will never bother you again. Amen
In the past, I could never hold down a job .... too many issues everywhere... (everyone & everything was a problem and I couldn't stand to be around them.. I was the OK one...!!! too funny)
A day or two after my little prayer.. I got a job interview... got hired.... for a job that I have had for over 7 years now... the $$ is more then I could have imagined.... not a day has gone by where I have not felt like going to work... IN OVER 7 YEARS...!!! I love my co-workers and my bosses.... go figure! My daughter and I have what we need and even a little more...
A few weeks after I started work... I was escorted out by a police officer because they had investigate my background and found out there was a warrant for my arrest... I was pregnant and humiliated and told not to come back until I had resolved my past issues... The next day I was back at work... God provided for us once again...
God had listened to my prayer.. My daughter, a true gift... came along with many gifts... which I now call blessings. God gave me much more then what I had asked for... God truly does provide for his children.... the older ones and the unborn ones... !
Unfortunately... I did not even see the hand of God at work in all this until that dreadful Sept. 11th, 2001.... when God decided to come into my living room while I was watching CNN in disbelief... God and I exchanged a few words... He told me to sell my house and change my life (which was already drug free and clean...but what HE was talking about was to follow Jesus) Suddenly for a while, almost everyone I met was a Christian .... and it was suddenly clearthat God had graciously made all this happen for my daughter and I ... It wasn't luck that so generously provided for my daughter and I. It wasn't luck that kept me happy every day at the office... and It wasn't luck that kept me drug free... It was God...! Glory to the King of kings!
Another important thing... God also used my daughter to clean up her dad's addictions... even though we are not together.... he eventually did fall in love with his precious little girl and sought help for himself... now they also have a beautiful loving relationship... God uses little children too!
He did it for me...and can do it again for other moms.
And to think I might have missed out on the opportunity to hear my girl sing ... "Life is the only choice...!!!! "
LIFE IS THE ONLY CHOICE (c) 2003 Hugh
I was climbing the ladder
I didn't know my morals were shattered
by my ambition
I was looking for glamour
I didn't know I was taking a hammer
to my conscience and everything I should have treasured
I was lost in this world
that knows nothing about love, nothing about life
Mother Mary I can hear your prayer
for all the mothers and the fathers out there
who battle for the right to choose
but don't know what they are going to lose
hey Jesus I can hear your voice
"life is the only choice"
turns out what I was chasing
was nothing more than racing
into emptiness, chasing the wind
I lost my mind and everything I owned
I lost my child and I lost my soul
in the mad rush for security,
I didn't know life is precious
from beginning to end
it's something we must defend
I woke up crying
and I felt like dying
the night I realized what I had done
Father forgive me
let your Spirit be with me
I wish I hadn't been so confused
I wish i'd known what i was going to lose
i wish i'd heard my baby cry
"mommy and daddy let me stay alive"
hey Jesus, I can hear your voice
"life is the only choice"