Having sex before marriage is like going into a grocery store and choosing an apple by taking a bite out of it, then leaving it for the next person. Sure it's ok to pick it up and look at it, but taking a bite out of it is pretty selfish (i.e., having sex with someone else's future wife). That is only one reason not to have sex before getting married. There are many others.
- The National Post reports that 25% of girls 15-25 years old have venereal warts (HPV). Transmission is not prevented by condoms. Strains HPV16 and 18 are pre-cursors to cervical cancer. The daughter of a friend of mine developed cervical cancer from HPV and may never be able to have children. HPV is incurable, and depending on the immune system of the individual may remain in the system permanently (source). The vaccine, Gardasil, doesn't fix it.
- In the first 5,000 years of civilization, fewer than 20 Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) became common. That's about one every 250 years. In the last 40 years the number of common STIs has skyrocketed to over 60. That's a rate of 1 STI/year since North American young people started having sex before marriage, a rate increase of 25,000% (that's not a typo)
- In the 1960s, one in 50 teens had a STI. Now over 1 in 4 does (an increase of more than 1250%)
- Teenage girls who have sex are twice as likely to commit suicide as girls who practice abstinence ("Point of View", Dec. 10, 2004)
- Teenage boys who have sex are seven times more likely to commit suicide than boys who are sexually abstinent. (ibid)
- Girls who have abortions are six times more likely to commit suicide than those who don't.
Young people, you have become laboratory rats in a failed social experiment
The "condom sense" strategy that is taught in high schools ignores human behaviour, especially men's. Thinking about condoms in the middle of sexual arousal is counter intuitive and unsuccessful. Yet condoms provide a false sense of security because the couple says "hey, we can have sex because we have protection." The truth is that men don't like using condoms. When both partners are aroused, lust takes on a life of its own, and their intentions to use condoms are often thrown by the wayside. Even if they do have "safer-sex," once they feed the lust, there is a much greater chance that they will practice unsafe sex at some point. In scientific circles this is called "risk compensation behaviour." I've been there.
Here's the paradox of condoms:
Arousal (an erection) clouds our judgment...
But you can't physically put on a condom without being aroused!
If you don't believe that arousal clouds logic, try doing some math problems the next time you are aroused! Or better still, just avoid lust altogether.
Although condom packages say they are 95% effective at stopping pregnancy, these studies are conducted in labs. Not many people have sex in labs. Real world studies show that couples having regular sex with condoms have a 16% chance of pregnancy in any given year. If I got on a plane and they said, "Fasten seat belts, this plane has an 84% chance of reaching its destination," I would get off the plane!
Planned Parenthood pushes condoms because when they fail, there is a demand for their most lucrative "service" - abortion
HPV transmission is not stopped by condoms. Condoms often break and are often used "improperly." Condoms are a "band-aid" solution that compound the current problems. They don't address the real problem, our behaviour. The "condom sense" strategy is based on the false premise that the solution to widespread sex is still more sex (using condoms) rather than taking a long sober look at what our society has become. Fr. Bob Bedard said "I would get laughed out of most high school classrooms if I simply stated that the answer to STIs is chastity, not condoms."
OK, as simple as this sounds, people who are chaste have a
100% success rate at not getting STIs and unwanted pregnancy
Chastity is a better strategy, because it does not feed the lust the way that contraception does.
Condoms are based on lust. Chastity is based on love
We live in a culture where condoms can be handed out in schools and Bibles can't. That's how "progressive" we have become.
If a 15 year old boy goes into a doctor's office saying "I want to get the girls, I need muscles, can you prescribe steroids?" the doctor would say "that's not good for you, go to the gym instead." But if a 15 year old girl goes to a doctor and says. "I want to get the guys, can you give me the pill (steroids)," the doctor says "fine." If you ask me, this is part of society's systemic abuse of women. In the clinical trials for the pill they tried to make a pill for men and women. One man got slightly shrunken testicles and they completely abandoned all further tests with men. In the experiments for the pill, three women died and all they did was adjusted the dosage. To me this is abuse of women. Women still die from the pill. Sure it is a tiny percentage but with 16 million women on the pill (in the US alone) even low deaths rates amount to an incredible injustice against women.
In the first year of use, 50% of women stop the pill because of side effects. The pill creates depression, lowers libido, makes women more irritable, and creates weight gain. The reason is that it makes the woman's body think it is in its first few weeks of pregnancy. Women in their first weeks of pregnancy have depression, have lower libido, are more irritable, and gain weight. In a pregnancy these side effects go away. On the pill, these side effects go on indefinitely.
The pill may be an abortifacient. Pill manufacturers themselves say it works in three ways,
- It stops ovulation
- The pill changes viscosity of mucus to inhibit travel, if there is a breakthrough ovulation
- Many health care professionals believe that the pill reduces endometrial receptivity, and therefore will reduce the chances of attachment of the fertilized egg (the little one day old baby) to the uterus wall.
Source: Randy Alcorn found a paper entitled The effect of oral contraceptive pills on markers of endometrial receptivity (Somkuti, et al., Fertility and Sterility Vol. 65, No.3, pp. 484-488, 1996). Referenced from http://www.aaplog.org/collition.php
The pill is the result of an anti-life attitude. Many abortions occurs because of failed contraception by people who were not open to life, before they jumped into bed. Before I became Christian and cleaned up my life I had a girlfriend who was a medical doctor. She was on the pill and knew how to use the pill. She got pregnant while using the pill properly. In our secular mind set, abortion looked like the logical solution. It was the worst mistake I've ever made in my life. My abortion story is here.
What about the HPV vaccine, Gardasil?
Gardasil only covers 4 of 40 strains of genital HPV. It's got tons of ugly side effects.
Gardasil has been the subject of 7,802 "adverse event" reports from the time the Food and Drug Administration approved its use two years ago, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (CNN, July 7, 2008)
Gardasil doesn't stop HPV, nor does it stop all HPV cervical cancers. HPV is incurable by Gardasil or any other drug. Gardasil is like putting a 1-inch band-aid on a 10-inch gash. And of course it doesn't do anything to prevent any of the other 60 STIs.
It sends a strange message to 11 and 12 year olds, "we know you are going to have sex," which is a self fulfilling prophecy, which teaches kids to have sex. This creates a demand for Planned Parenthood's contraception and abortion services. Guess who's the greatest advocate of Gardasil? Yup, Planned Parenthood.
Young people, you have become a revenue stream for people who say they are taking care of your health. You've been had! ... Me too!
I have a friend who started having sex with his girlfriend. He was interested in Christianity. He was going to a United Church and started a Bible study. He visited my place and I asked how he reconciled his interest in Christianity with his sex life. He said there's nowhere in the Bible where it says not to have sex before marriage. He said he searched for it and couldn't find it. Then it struck me that he didn't know the meaning of the word "fornication." I pulled out a dictionary:
Fornication: Voluntary sexual intercourse other than between a married couple, especially where either person or both persons are unmarried. (Gage Dictionary)
His face dropped as I took him through verse after verse. (Mt: 15:19, Mk 7:21, Acts 15:20, 29, 21:25, 1 Cor 6:13, 18, Gal 5:19, Eph 5:3, Col 3:5, 1 Thes 4:3, Rev 2:14, 20-21, 9:21 etc...) It seems the Bible has a lot to say on this topic. It puts "sex before marriage" (fornication) right up there with the worst of sins of humanity such as murder, theft etc... Ouch!!!!
The body is meant not for fornication but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body, and God raised the Lord and will also raise us by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? (1 Co 6:13)
"Fornication" sounds like such a stale archaic word that our generation doesn't even know what it means. It sounds outdated. But this is the genius of mass marketing. Sex sells... Sex sells clothes, it sells movies, it sells magazines, it sells everything. Our present attitude towards sex is the result of mass marketing. Our generation believes they are thinking for themselves when having sex before marriage. But they are the product of mass media.
A friend of mine from work is living with her boyfriend. Things are not going so well. I waited 15 months through our engagement until our marriage to live with my bride. My friend from work thinks you should live together before committing to marriage so that you know if you are compatible. That's an attractive concept but it fails to take into account several fundamental differences between being married and living together before marriage.
- Marriage is a sacrament, and as such there is grace that flows from it. There is power in the covenant of marriage that provides bonding power, which is not there when two people live together.
- Marriage is a commitment. It sends a completely different message to a woman (and a man) about the reason they are together and what is important. Living together says "I'm here for you for the good times, but I have no commitment beyond that. Sickness, or poverty, or ill health are completely appropriate reasons for abandoning you." That is a terrible message to send to a woman.
- Living together is about convenience. Marriage is about commitment.
Living together doesn't give you the information you need about the other person. However, I'd say if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to live together before marriage "run!" Marriages that began as pre marriage live-ins have a much higher rate of divorce. Look for someone who wants to wait for marriage. Then get to know them well by spending time with them, and by praying with them.
Now I can hear someone out there saying "C'mon, sex is fun. God wants us to have fun...sexual freedom is great."
What the great dispute about is over the meaning of "freedom," Is freedom simply to do whatever you want to do? Or is real freedom the freedom to do what you ought to do? Now the herd of independent thinkers in the dominant western culture believes the first. It's simply being shackled to one's own passions and desires and impulses. (Fr. John Neuhaus explains, Oct. 12, 2003, CNS news Sun Morning)
Jesus was not hung up on social conventions. He freely ignored stupid social conventions such as being forbidden to hang out with the Samaritans. But when it came to sex he was very serious. Why were Jesus and the apostles so uptight about sex when they were so radical about breaking down other social barriers? I think it is because they knew something that modern culture has forgotten.
Sex is powerful
People are born from sex, people die from sex (STIs). If I get a powerful gift for Christmas, say a car, there are rules that keep me safe. I think it is the same with sexuality.
For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters, only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence ... (Gal 5:1, 13-18)
Today, society considers the Catholic Church's views on sex "regressive, old fashioned and medieval". But "modern society" is more "regressive" than the Church. It is following Caligula in ancient Rome.
Perhaps the Church is Medieval, but if that's true, then modern society is primal!
The #1 dance song hit a couple of years ago was:
You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel
Never before in history has mankind been so sex centred. Internet porn (the "crack cocaine" of sex addiction), late night TV, and even sex on prime time TV are just a few ways that society pushes pornography right into our homes. Viagra is a top selling drug. Men can't keep up with the amount of sex they think they should have. My e-mail inbox is full of the same kind of male enhancement spam as everyone else. Statistics Canada reports 100,000 abortions a year.
Teenagers are about as good at
using contraception as they are at making their beds!
In the gay community the stats are even more dramatic with their own set of devastating consequences. Recent laws and policies aimed at reducing those statistics by granting more sexual freedom have not diminished those statistics. In fact there has been an increase in suicide, STIs, alcoholism, and partner abuse.
Yet even with these devastating facts, modern culture thinks everybody has to have sex before marriage. People who don't are viewed with pity or contempt. We wonder what is wrong with them. Psychiatrists have a field day with people who feel called to celibacy. Teenagers who want to wait until marriage are ridiculed by their peers. I don't believe the answer to our problems is more freedom using contraception and "safer sex" with condoms. I believe the solution is a personal relationship with Jesus and His call to chastity.
Sex creates an unbreakable bond for eternity with the sex partner. (1 Cor 6:16) That's why it needs to happen only within the life long bond of marriage. One reason so few people are capable of intimacy today is because that spiritual centre of union with another person has been scattered in bits and pieces all over their previous partner's lives. They have been hurt and with each hurt they close down a little more. Honestly, that is exactly what happened to me until I eventually was incapable of commitment.
We are hard wired for monogamy. Research using brain scans now shows powerful chemicals are released during sex that should create a powerful, lifelong bond.
"When women are skin-to-skin with a man, their brain secretes oxytocin that causes them to bond emotionally to that man. Men secrete a hormone called vasopressin when they're having that kind of intimate behavior. And that hormone has even been called 'monogamy hormone' for men. And it bonds them to the woman," Dr. Joe McIlhaney, Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Austin (CNS News)
Oxytocin is so overwhelming in a woman's brain that just a 20-second hug can cause a female to become bonded to a male.
Sex before marriage means broken hearts and broken bonds. Broken hearts don't trust others as much. People with broken hearts don't trust themselves as much. People think they should take a partner out for a "test drive" before getting married. But this hasn't made it easier to learn if the person is compatible because couples having sex often overlook important differences because the sex is good. People who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate.
Couples who stick together after pre-marital sex and end up marrying are much more likely to divorce. Sad but true. Any short look at our society will back it up. It is stepping across a huge line in the "spiritual" sand. I recently listened to a French children's "call-in" program on CBC radio in Canada that interviewed children whose parents had broken up. The show is normally fun and light but this particular program made me want to cry. The children were devastated.
Here's a talk I gave in India in 2008 on Chastity.
There has been a fire storm over Pope Benedict's comments about condoms. Edward C. Green PhD, a senior research scientist at the Harvard School of Public Health said:
"The Pope might be right... In 2003, ... the University of California conducted a condom effectiveness study for the U.N.'s AIDS program and found no evidence of condoms working as a primary measure in HIV-prevention in Africa.... Since then, major articles in other peer-reviewed journals such as the Lancet, Science and BMJ have confirmed that condoms have not worked as an intervention in the population-wide epidemics of Africa."
The press says Catholics are “old fashioned” and “dangerous” to think that chastity and monogamy are the answer for Africa. I’m still waiting for them to come up with a better idea. North America would rather bomb them with condoms than to look at our western immorality.
Here is part of an article in the Ottawa Citizen:
Tool in fight against AIDS found to boost disease risk
Promising vaginal gel had been in trials in South Africa
High hopes for a product developed by a Toronto-based company to stem the spread of AIDS in Africa have been dashed after clinical tests showed users were more likely to become infected with the deadly disease. (Katie Lewis, The Ottawa Citizen, Thursday, February 08, 2007)
The Bill Gates Foundation failed at its anti AIDS vaginal gel. One of the most intelligent and wealthiest humans on the planet ate humble pie. After an investment of more than 40 million dollars, Bill and Melinda Gates' solution to AIDS in Africa has turned out to actually increase the incidence of AIDS.
Test trials on 3,000 high risk women (such as prostitutes) using the anti-AIDS vaginal gel completely failed and tons of them got AIDS. In fact, the vaginal gel actually increased the incidence of AIDS among these women. The directors of the tests called the women “heroes.” I think they were treated like human laboratory mice. They said this was empowering to women, while it caused them to be infected with AIDS. These African women became failed guinea pigs for clinical testing that he could not get away with on North American women. All in the name of humanity eh?
Contraception launched a lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. Today 67% of youth are sexually active before marriage. Teenagers are about as good at contraception as they are at making their beds, doing their homework and doing their chores. Teenage girls have an average of six sex partners in high school. In 1966, 6% of white babies were born out of wedlock, now it's up to 25%. In 1967, 22% of black babies were born out of wedlock. Now 66% of black babies are born out of wedlock. There is much talk about women's rights but what about children's rights? This is not good for children. Most psychologists are agreed that children with both parents stand a better chance of growing up well adjusted.
Sex before marriage means many more broken hearts and broken bonds. Broken hearts don't trust as much. Don't trust themselves as much. People think they should take a partner out for a "test drive" before getting married. But this hasn't made it easier to learn if the person is compatible, because couples having sex often overlook important differences cause the sex is good. People who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate. Abortion is huge today.
If we have sex with someone before marriage and then break up with them, we have had sex with someone's future spouse. The scary thing is that doesn't consciously bother many people today. Sadly, the net result is that marriage is much more fragile. Most couples who have had premarital sex with others don't stick together. The bonding and commitment necessary to sustain a marriage during the hard times just aren't there. Pre-marital sex makes for "fair weather" marriages.
- Chastity: No sex outside of marriage, sex is perfectly acceptable in the context of a marriage blessed by the Church.
- Marriage: An unbreakable lifelong union between one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others.
- Celibacy: Abstinence from sex, and usually implies remaining single.
The Catholic Church has always asserted that chastity, or alternatively celibacy, are the correct expressions of our sexual natures. This is supported by the Bible. It applies to everyone, including straights, gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered, two-spirited people (GLBT)etc. I know that would get me laughed out of a university class on human behavior and unfortunately out of many psychiatrists' offices.
In the 1968 document "Humane Vitae," everybody felt like a bomb hit society. The Catholic Church was reaffirming its stance on contraception. In Section 6, Pope Paul VI makes several predictions. He said we would see:
- Lowering of morality, (check out today's afternoon soaps, talk shows, MTV)
- Disregard for physical and emotional well being of women by men. (internet porn)
- Government would use family planning for coercive purposes. (UN population control)
- Women would begin to treat their bodies as if they are machines. (Surrogate mothers, in vitro fertilizations)
Contraception paved the way to the "free sex" movement of the 1960's. In 70 years since contraception was accepted, we in modern society have become ever more sex centred. Before I became a Christian over 25 years ago, I was involved with two abortions and had a string of broken relationships and infidelity. I'm not here to judge. Thank God for the freedom and forgiveness I've received in Jesus.
A word of warning by Dr. Lawrence White
Senior pastor with Our Savior Lutheran Church in Texas:
"We live in a society where passions are riderless horses, uncontrolled and uncontrollable, in which there is a desolation of decency, in which love has become a jungle emotion, lust exalted to lordship, sin elevated to sovereignty, Satan adored as a saint, and man magnified above his Maker. Americans have come to dwell in an Alice in Wonderland world of fantasy, of self-delusion. Everything has been turned upside down and inside out in our America. Right is wrong, and wrong is right. Good is bad and bad is good. Normal is abnormal, and abnormal is normal, true is false and false is true. We are fast degenerating into a decadent culture obsessed with selfishness and sin, death and destruction." Address at Midwestern Seminary, Kansas City. September 6, 2000
Lord Jesus, let Your prayer of unity for Christians
become a reality, in Your way.
We have absolute confidence
that you can bring your people together,
we give you absolute permission to move.